Well the drama continues. We had the u/s today. First off - it is a girl! I was so surprised. I've been certain for the past several weeks that this was a boy. Not that I really care - I was just surprised. Now I'm starting to think - What in the hell am I going to do with a girl????? My mom will be sleeping with a smile on her face tonight as she envisions me getting royal payback for the way I acted as a teenager. God certainly has a sense of humor. Hopefully, she will have A's laid back attitude!

Ok, now for the details. We had the u/s done and they found a spot on the top of her skull that the Dr. explained to us was fluid. She said not to worry, a lot of babies have this at this stage. It usually goes away. However, she said, it is one indicator for Down's Sydrom.e. Therefore, she could not rule out or better our odds for having a healthy baby. Soooo, I had to have an amnio done. So now we have to wait 48 hours more find out anything. Sheesh. The amnio itself was not too terribly bad. I had some bad cramping as soon as the needle went in. After that, it just stung as the procedure was being done. I didn't see any of the needle or look at it taking place on the u/s. I just stared at the wall and prayed hard.

So now I'm physically and emotionally exhausted. I'm taking my daughter and going to bed. :)

No One Said it Would Be Easy

Well, I got a call last week saying that my integrated screening results came back with an elevated risk for Downs Syndrome. Now I realize that several people have had this happen to them and everything turned out just fine. However, that hasn't stopped me from being really worried and extremely pissed off that I have yet something else to worry about. Why can't I just get pregnant, have a nice pregnancy (with minimal sickness), and then deliver a healthy baby? My dr said I could look at the results two ways (depending on my level of optimism):

a) I have a less than 1% chance of having a downs baby, or b) I have a 1 out of 105 chance of having a downs baby. I'm going with the 1% chance. I'm going for a high level ultrasound on Tuesday to determine whether or not everything is "normal" (I know, what is normal?). I know that I am in love with this baby no matter what. However, as a teacher with special needs children in my class and in my school, I know what a challenge it will be for this child if things don't turn out ok. I guess I will just have to take whatever comes my way. I would rather know ahead of the birth that there are issues than be surprised. This way, A and I can be prepared to make the best life possible for this child.

On the upside, I'm continuing to feel better. I only get sick in the evenings a few days a week. The belly is growing and I'm starting to get second glances from people. I laugh inside when I see them glance down at my belly and then try to discretely look again to determine what is going on. The nursery is painted and I have picked out my bedding. I probably should have waited until I found out the gender, but I loved the style too much. It is called Frogs and Bu.gs. I'm not too into pink or frilly things, so if it is a girl, I hope she won't be tormented by the creepy crawlies.

I Paid How Much to Feel This Crappy?

Just kidding. I'm still here. And, thank goodness, still knocked up. I've been miserably sick with "morning sickness" for the past month and a half. It is now finally starting to fade somewhat at 13 weeks. My beautiful little baby has made me really aware of his/her presence.

On a positive side, I got to see the baby yesterday in an amazing ultrasound marathon session. I had to go in for an appointment due to strange jabbing pains in my lower right side. They wanted to see if I had a cyst that was acting up. Well, it turns out that it was just stretching pains. However, the office had just received new ultrasound machines and the tech wanted to play around and see what all she could do. Yippeee! I got to see the most amazing pictures of him/her. You could actually see eyes and ears. I am so in love.

Work is going well. I have managed not to barf in front of my students. For that, I am eternally grateful. A coworker came in my room and told them that I was pg. The way she worded it was: Your teacher has something special growing in her belly. It may make her feel bad from time to time, but it is a blessing. Well, my "gifted" student raised his hand and asked if it was a tape worm. Nice, huh? He actually is gifted and I was amazed that a 9 year old actually thought of a tape worm. I almost wet myself from laughing so hard.

I promise to start updating regularly now that I am over the 12 week mark. I've let myself believe that this is actually going to happen.

Well, as of yesterday my numbers went up to over 770. I'm having a few symptoms. However, they might just be related to the progester.one and estroge.n patches I'm still taking. I switched over to the suppositories for the prog. My ass had started developing cyst-like welts at every injection site. I had been getting two shots every day - that got to be a bit too much. Now I just have to stick the little pill up my hoo-ha 3 times a day. My RE doesn't want me back for a third round of bloodwork this week. I was pleasantly surprised at that. I asked to go in for more bw next week just to make sure things still look ok. My ultrasound is on the 13th. I will feel much better once that is over. I will be 7 weeks then. When I had my u/s back in July, I was supposed to be 8 weeks and there was no baby or heartbeat. I just want to get beyond that stage this time.

Ummm, I Think I'm Pregnant

Ok, remember how back in late May, I had 2 embies transferred and ended up with a beta of 27ish? Well, I had my one frostie thawed and transferred on the 15th of this month. I had my beta today and it was 335. I can't believe that one little embryo made it! I'm trying not to get too excited about this. I go back in two days (Wed.) for a second beta.

The Outlaws

Sorry I've been away so long. My in-laws were here for 3 weeks. They were staying in the guest room where my computer is also located. I don't know if I mentioned it in a previous blog, but I think 5 days is plenty of time for a visit with the out-laws. My mil drives me batty. I got to hear for 3 weeks straight how lucky I am to have married her son. I got to the point where I just completely shut down and barely said a word. Believe me, she said enough for both of us.

I'm still on the drugs for the FET. I think (hope) it will be next week. I'm getting tired of wearing the estro.gen patches. I'm up to four now, and my skin on my abdomen is getting pretty scary looking. I must say that the estro.gen has helped to ward off the evil spirits that haunt me (aka lup.ron). Life was not fun at my house when I was just doing those injections. The patches seem to have evened things out for me. I think A is willing to stay in the same house with me for then next few weeks. It was touch-and-go there for a while. I go in for an us and bw on Thursday to determine how things are looking.

Hope

I've been avoiding posting for a while. I was basically tired of complaining. I've heard such crappy news from other people during the past few weeks that I've started forcing myself to remember that I actually have things pretty good. To say the least, my life doesn't suck. I have a great job that I love (most of the time), an incrediblel husband who loves me, a family I wouldn't trade for the world, a house with a dog, and my health. Not too bad, eh?

So, now I will procede with this next stage of iv.f with a little hope. I have one frozen embie ready to go. I realize that, chances are, it won't survive the thaw and that all this month's preparation will be for nothing. But you know what? Fuck it. I'm still going to let this little seed of hope grow in my heart. The worst thing that could happen is that I have to wait another few months before trying a new fresh round. All in all, my life still doesn't suck.

Shhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh. Don't tell anyone. I don't want to jinx myself.