Thursday, March 29, 2007

Am I Already Crazy?

OK, I've only been back on bcp for 5 days now and I' ve been in the worst mood for the past few days. As a teacher, this is very hard to get past and just smile. So far, I've managed to keep my moodiness hidden from the students. It actually makes me try harder to be pleasant towards them. However, my coworkers get to bear the brunt of it. A is out of town, so when I'm at home, it is just me and the dog. He doesn't seem to mind my pissy moods, though.

As we all know, there are many insensitive comments that people can make to us regarding having children. Since learning about my upcoming ivf cycle, two of my friends at work asked me "Why don't you just buy a baby instead of wasting money on something that might not work." Gee, thanks. I'll just head out to the mall and buy a baby over the weekend. What a great idea.

Are there any Raising Arizona fans out there? If so, do you remember the scene where H.I. and Ed are in the fertility dr's office and he is explaining to them that she is infertile? I think the voice over says something to the effect of: "her womb was a rocky soil in which my seed could find no purchase." Meanwhile, the doctor is holding up these diagrams of the reproductive systems. I swear to god, this scene ran through my mind last week as my RE was explaining our situation/options to my dh and me. I almost laughed out loud. The RE was holding up this 12X15 diagram of the female reproductive tract as he painstakingly explained how it worked. Needless to say, I've been researching this very topic for the past 22 months. I think I could teach courses on it. Poor A, I know it was just waaaay tmi for him.

Anyway, as soon as I relax, try not to think about it, just start the adoption process, or go buy one at the local mall, I'm sure I'll get pg. However, I'm going to keep with the ivf process just in case. :)

Ok, time to go play with the dog so he'll leave me alone.

Oh, if anyone is actually reading this, is it ok to try to loose weight over the next month before I start the meds? I started WW last month and, although I haven't been very good these past few weeks, I wanted to get back on. I need to loose about 2o lbs. Nothing major, but it would certainly make me feel better.

Good night.

Wednesday, March 28, 2007

Starting Out

Wow, my first blog post. Until a few months ago, I was still unsure as to what the hell a blog was. I realize this could probably get addictive.


My dh and I have been trying to conceive (ttc) for almost 2 years now. Our official diagnosis is "Unexplainined Infertility." Dh - I'll refer to as A from now on, has absolutely no problem with his end of the game. His little soldiers bring their game face every time. I, on the other hand, apparently have some issues. I've been accused of being hard-headed and stubburn. Apparently, my little eggies take after me. After 3 failed IUI's, we are ready for IVF. I just recieved my latest negative test this week after my last IUI. The RE has informed me that our best chance is IVF. Now, as much of you going through this have probably experienced, I've been walking around in a state of WTF and disbelief for the past few days. My internet addiction actually saved me with the plethera (sp?) of information and personal stories regarding infertility and ivf.

For those of you end following my story, please feel free to comment and share your own experiences.

First of all, I have very little idea of what to expect. I started BC this week. I know I take them for about a month. I've been reading up on the list of meds needed for this process. The only thing I know for sure is that I have a "Mock Transfer" saline infusion scheduled for April 19th. The actual ER will be around May 19th. So far the main points that I have picked up on are the following:

1) needles - get used to them
2)patience - poor A had better find some
3)mood swings - as if I haven't already been on an emotional roller coaster for the past 22 months, apparently the party is just getting started. Beware, poor unsuspecting friends, family members, and innocent bystanders.

I know I've just barely touched the tip of the iceburg. Feel free to add to my list.

That is all for now. Have a great night!