Well, I got a call last week saying that my integrated screening results came back with an elevated risk for Downs Syndrome. Now I realize that several people have had this happen to them and everything turned out just fine. However, that hasn't stopped me from being really worried and extremely pissed off that I have yet something else to worry about. Why can't I just get pregnant, have a nice pregnancy (with minimal sickness), and then deliver a healthy baby? My dr said I could look at the results two ways (depending on my level of optimism):
a) I have a less than 1% chance of having a downs baby, or b) I have a 1 out of 105 chance of having a downs baby. I'm going with the 1% chance. I'm going for a high level ultrasound on Tuesday to determine whether or not everything is "normal" (I know, what is normal?). I know that I am in love with this baby no matter what. However, as a teacher with special needs children in my class and in my school, I know what a challenge it will be for this child if things don't turn out ok. I guess I will just have to take whatever comes my way. I would rather know ahead of the birth that there are issues than be surprised. This way, A and I can be prepared to make the best life possible for this child.
On the upside, I'm continuing to feel better. I only get sick in the evenings a few days a week. The belly is growing and I'm starting to get second glances from people. I laugh inside when I see them glance down at my belly and then try to discretely look again to determine what is going on. The nursery is painted and I have picked out my bedding. I probably should have waited until I found out the gender, but I loved the style too much. It is called Frogs and Bu.gs. I'm not too into pink or frilly things, so if it is a girl, I hope she won't be tormented by the creepy crawlies.
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As someone who recently went through this scare (thankfully, that's all it was)I can certainly understand how anxiety-provoking and just plain rotten it is to get such news. No matter how many stories you hear about how it turned out ok for someone else it doesn't stop your mind from assuming or imagining the worst. Hang in there. The odds are remarkably in your favor. Will be thinking about you and wish you lots of luck at the scan!
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